in today's news:
Monday, August 10, 2009
2:55 PM

so come on over(:

thanks everyone. and hope to see you over at my new home.
affies, please change my link


in today's news:
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
3:48 PM

Okay, so I have been looking for a new page to host my blog for the longest time. Blogger just doesn't cut it for me, you know? So I finally got a subdomain, but I gotta put it together!

I have to use cPanel, which I have never used before, so I'm excited but kind of nervous at the same time. I have a lot of ideas that I want to use for this site. Like, I'm making a list of things I want to do for junior year and blogging about it. I'm thinking about expanding my design range into t-shirts and putting them up for sale(: I have so many ideas, but for now I am going to learn how to use cPanel and then I'm going to get going to moving stuff.

Affies, I will email/leave you message when it's up so you can change the link. Oh, and I'll still be blogging here until everything is COMPLETELY done over there.

Okay, I love you guys!


in today's news:
nothing intelligent
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
5:48 PM

The title is totally correct. I have nothing intelligent to say today. I mean, not saying that anything hasn't happened, which ho ho ho! Shit flew out the window yesterday.. but, I am not exactly all for sharing that lovely story on the internet so, I decided to posted one of those myspace surveys on here and answer all of the questions throughly. This will give you, my friends/readers, a better perspective of.. me and my life. Okay here we go!

What is your best talent?
I'm actually not too sure about this one. As a child, I used write stories and such and they are reasonably good. Nowadays all I do is photography whenever I can get my hands on a camera and graphic design and blog.
Do you know anyone named Nicole?
Yes, we used to be good friends. Not so much anymore.
Have you ever had a true FML?
Yeah. I guess.
Are you considering having children right now?
Having children right now at this age, no. But in the future, I would love to have twins.
A boy and a girl
Do you enjoy the darkness?
Not at all. I am terrified of being alone in the dark.
Are you afraid of being single?
Kind of and kind of not. Kind of because I don't think I'll ever find someone as good for me as Rob and Kind of not because being single is fun.
Do you have a new boyfriend/girlfriend ever week?
Nope, sorry.
Are you good at decieving others?
Depends on who I am deceiving.
How much memory does your computer have?
After I deleted this hidden file of backup Photoshop brushes... A lot of space.
Do you play video games?
Not really. I play Super Mario Galaxy every now and then
What color are you eyes?
Dark brown. I don't really like them
Is your hair layered?
No, hair hasn't been cut professionally in forever.
What is the closest yellow thing to you?
A book.
Do you believe in labeling others?
Not really. I think labeling is dumb.
Have you ever shot an animal?
How do you feel about Judge Judy?
I love her. (:
Do you exercise daily?
During track seasons, yes. Times like now, no.
How many months have you been alive?
Hmm.. 12 x 15 = 180 then you add the half (180 + 6) and then july (187)
Can you do cool things with your hair?
Yeah.. if you want to call it that. People have made mohawks with no gel, i can hold a curl for days.
If you call that cool.
Do you have a couch in your house?
Yes. Multiple
Would you like to have a soda machine in your room?
No. I would drink it all in one sitting.
Are you impatient?
Would you pay someone to drive you around everywhere?
Yes. If I had money, I would.
Do you think soap operas are too good to be true?
Of course. Life never works like that.
Are you concious of your weight?
Yes. I think I am bit heavier than I should be.
Have you ever jumped out of a window?
No.. why should I?
Are you tolerant of pain?
Absolutely not. I hate pain. Always.
What kind of mood are you usually in?
A very crabby one.
Do you feel like you can read others minds?
Depends on who. If it's my friend, probably.
Do you have a webcam?
Yes. But it's mad old.
Do you finish other peoples sentences?
Yes... sometimes.
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Not enough.
When is your birthday?
December ninth.
Do you feel important where you're at right now?
Are you short tempered?
Very much so.
Do you cry when someone yells at you?
Have you ever been homeless?
How many online accounts do you have?
I don't even know anymore.
Do you drive through red lights?
I can't even drive.
What sound puts you to sleep?
Are you a fast or slow reader?
Fast. I skim usually unless it's good.
Are you a good speller?
Most of the time.
Do you have a tv in your bedroom?
How long can you go without sleeping?
24 hours.
How long can you go without talking?
10 minutes?
Do you currently have a job?
noo sir.
Do you tend to always be in some sort of drama?
Do you collect quarters from every state?
I used to.
How important is appearance in your life?
It's now starting to matter.
Are you any good at photography?
I'd like to think so.
Would you rather sleep all night or sleep all day?
all night.
Do you hate getting up early?
Who doesnt?
Does it bother you when people use poor grammar?
Lol. Sometimes.
Could you see yourself being a bartender?
Yes, I wish I could be.
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
Are you currently tired?
A bit.
What was the last thing you had to drink?
Do you like to take walks?
Depends on where im going.
Have you ever had de ja vu?
Are you a fan of anime?
Not so much anymore.
Do you draw a lot?
Used to.
Do you plan on going to college?
I hope so.
Do you feel at home in your own home?
Not usually. I have a terrible relationship with my family.
Do you pay for your own cell phone bill?
Do you really think that life's what you make it?
Yes and I have made quite a mess of mine.


in today's news:

Sunday, August 2, 2009
8:03 AM

Disney endings. Everyone knows them. They are, quite literally, perfect. They always involve some girl, maybe privileged or maybe not. Then they introduce the guy who is almost always down on his luck. Of course, in some strange public setting they meet and it's love at first sight. Trials and tribulations and fights, oh my! But to take the cake, everything in the end ends perfectly. Always.

Like everyone else in the world, I have come to realize that Disney endings don't really happen in this world. Ever. That Disney only shows part of a life story and that no matter how many sequels and prequels they release, there will never be a depressing Disney ending nor will it resemble anything of a normal life.

But maybe that's what people want to see when they go to movies or when they turn the tv. That our lives are so miserable and that it's so not perfect that you are basically a masochist for watching another person's (as fictional as they may be) life and envying.

However, that isn't the point I wanted to make. I wanted to talk about the deep ending of Fourth Comings. It's obviously, the fourth book of the Jessica Darling series. First I must say, that in no way shape or form, are those books a Disney book. They are as realistic as possible and while some things are a stretch, you realize that people win a million dollars from the lottery so it can happen.

Anyway, Fourth Comings did not have a story book ending or a Disney ending. There was no dramatic make up or passionate realization of love. And that depressed me. Maybe it's because when I was younger, I made a life plan to have a Disney life. No, I wasn't like my friends, who smothered themselves with the princesses and etc. But I wanted what everyone wants- a perfect life.

The perfect life- an awesome job that I loved, a handsome and loving husband, the perfect little house in the perfect little town. And yes, I still want that. But still... I knew that it wasn't just going to happen, that my life wasn't predetermined by a group of writers. And let me go off track to introduce something, a quote I had heard, "Everyone has a purpose, but some people are just meant to be filler in someone else's life."

That makes me wonder. Am I just filler or am I supposed to have a big purpose? Is it possible to have that perfect life? Well, maybe not if it's possible because it's evident that you can from all of the billionaires in the world. But can just anyone achieve perfect happiness?

Anyway, I'm laying on my couch downstairs in my living room, with the book, finished on the side, contemplating all of this. Yes, I was in shock. Is it possible to end a book and not have the perfect happy ending? Yes, obviously. But, as much as I complain about Disney, I didn't want it to end that way. I wanted love and romance and happiness. But it didn't end that way. But I really wanted it to.

And it got me thinking. What about Rob and I? What if we end just like that? The last page of book that was confusing and unexpected. And not even me and Rob, what about me? How am I going to find happiness? Lauren had her sweet sixteen yesterday and she simply shined and as she just told me, it didn't even matter if it was everything she ever wanted because it was good and that was what she wanted. And I envy her for that. That optimism and pleasure of having something even though it wasn't everything she wanted. Maybe I'm just greedy and selfish. Maybe I just want too much.

Or maybe I want to be happy and I don't know how....

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12.09 (15 years old).loved music since day one. very much so taken. class of '11. high school student. dream of being a movie producer, owner of a clothing line, and a photographer. i love designing anything [for the most part](:
if you must know more, readd, silly!

"it's hard to say i rather stay awake when i'm asleep
because my dreams are bursting at the seams"

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